How would you respond?
Diving into one of the seven "Laws of Persuasion."
I got home from London last night — and I went for one of the worst reasons.
Medical emergency.
My wife, Shali, was there visiting friends when she suddenly felt unbearable side pain.
Her friends rushed her to the ER. Turns out she needed an emergency kidney procedure.
Thankfully, it was successful. She’s recovering well, and we finally got home late last night.
But 5 days in the urgent care unit, with IVs, tubes, machines beeping, and… fear.
Not exactly the best ingredients for writing you a thoughtful newsletter this week.
Neither was the 10-hour flight from economy seat 34D, exhausted and jetlagged.
So instead of forcing something unworthy of your attention, I’m going to replay a “lesson” I wrote in April, 2022.
It's helped me become a more persuasive and empathetic marketer, writer, and business professional.
And I'm confident it can do the same for you.
Let's ride 🌊
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Reciprocity is wired into our DNA.
It’s a built-in system designed to build relationships and community.
Put more literally, reciprocity is the act of responding to one positive action with another positive action, usually of near-equal value.
You buy me a birthday gift, I’ll feel compelled to do the same for you.
If I pick up the first round of tequila, you’ll be more motivated to buy the second.
You invite me to your wedding, I’ll feel obliged to invite you to mine — even if it’s years later.
Robert Cialdini made this a broadly known concept in his book, Influence, where he explained how reciprocity can be used as a persuasive tool.
He cites a study where people were 3x more likely to comply with a substantial request when the law of reciprocity was involved.
In other words, you can use reciprocity to get people to do what you want. But only if it’s done correctly.
(Disclaimer: I am not promoting reciprocity as a tool for manipulation. I'm simply sharing that it is a potent device for gaining compliance.)
But in B2B, I see it done incorrectly all the time.
Here’s a real-life example of a message that I received in the mail attached to a box of brownies:
Imagine you received this... how would you respond?
A: Contact the sales rep and set up a meeting
B: Eat the brownies and ignore the note
C: Trash the whole package
My hunch is that you’d pick B.
I did. The Reed fam ate ‘em up.
Or maybe C if you listen to your mom's advice and don't take candy from strangers.
Here’s why: this isn’t reciprocity; it’s a transaction.
Transactions are an immediate exchange of goods worth the same perceived value.
For example, if you sell me a Steph Curry bobblehead for $20, it’s because we agreed that’s what it’s worth.
We make the exchange, and it’s a done deal.
The problem with the offer I received in the mail is that it's actually a trade because of the wording. The exchange of "goods" is immediate. Additionally, it's a miss because I disagree that 30 minutes of my time is worth a ~$15 box of treats and a sales pitch.
And for that reason, this sales tactic failed.
But let’s take a different approach. Say you gave me a Steph Curry bobblehead without prompting or asking for something in return.
Then you’d have tapped into the power of reciprocity. Because should you ask for a favor in the future – like a sales meeting, perhaps – I’d be 3x more likely to comply.
Simply because you lead the engagement by giving first and without any expectation.
Other versions of transactions poorly masked as reciprocity plagues B2B sales and marketing.
You might have seen other versions in the form of offering money, donations to charity, or gifts in exchange for sales meetings. Despite being used often, I’ve never actually heard of them being successful nor enjoyed by the receiver.
While I don't believe in this artificial approach to selling a product, you can at least make it more effective with better messaging. Here’s what I would suggest trying instead:
Send brownies with a slightly altered message:
Hey Devin – Hoping this gift scores you some “brownie points” with your family.
(And if you choose not to share, I won’t tell!)
Talk soon, Name
Company Name | Email address
That’s it. Just give the gift and be clear who it's from.
Then, two or three days later, follow up with an email/LinkedIn Inmail saying:
Hey Devin, Hope those brownies hit the spot. I have something even sweeter that you might be interested in. I know you’re focused on scaling your content strategy into new verticals, and that’s exactly how we help B2B marketing leaders. Want to see how we help grow brand awareness in new verts?
This might not be perfect, but it makes two improvements:
- Allows time to pass, lessening the transactional feel
- Creates a connection between my challenges and their offering
I might take a call because they went above and beyond to get my attention, did it thoughtfully, and did their research.
It's much more appealing than attempting to buy my time.
Remember, reciprocity is a way to connect and build lasting relationships — but it falls apart immediately when you try to scale it and make it transactional.
Don't try to buy your audience. Instead, win them over with intentional and cohesive offers.
Holler at you next week,
Devin
